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 joke of the day

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MixMaster
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Male Number of posts : 172
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: joke of the day   August 25th 2007, 3:29 pm

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a beer.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you want to
hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair given that you are
blind that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

"No, not if I'm going to have to explain it five times”.

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djretro

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Number of posts : 135
Registration date : 2007-06-03

PostSubject: Re: joke of the day   August 30th 2007, 5:07 am

> >>>> What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
> >>>>
> >>>> The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and
> >>>>smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says:
> >>>>"You're next,fatty."
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>>>
> >>>> Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while
> >>>>his wife is lying in bed reading.
> >>>>
> >>>> Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got
> >>>>a headache."
> >>>>
> >>>> Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
> >>>>
> >>>> Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the
> >>>>sheep"
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>>>-
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a
> >>>>suitcase.
> >>>>
> >>>> He asks, "What are you doing?"
> >>>>
> >>>> She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes
> >>>>there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."
> >>>>
> >>>> Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the
> >>>>bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
> >>>>
> >>>> When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming
> >>>>too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>>>-
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
> >>>>selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange
> >>>>juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a
> >>>>250g pack of bacon
> >>>>
> >>>> As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
> >>>>check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items
> >>>>in front of the cashier.
> >>>>
> >>>> While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
> >>>>calmly stated,"You must be single."
> >>>>
> >>>> The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she
> >>>>was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
> >>>> She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
> >>>>particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the
> >>>>Drunk to her marital status.
> >>>>
> >>>> Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you
> >>>>know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know
> >>>>that?"
> >>>>
> >>>> The drunk replied, "Cos you're fcuking ugly."
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>>>-
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His
> >>>>wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a
> >>>>gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD
> >>>>BETTER BE THERE."
> >>>>
> >>>> The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When
> >>>>his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was
> >>>>a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
> >>>>
> >>>> Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway
> >>>>and picked up the box.
> >>>>
> >>>> She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scales
> >>>>
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djretro

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Number of posts : 135
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PostSubject: Re: joke of the day   August 30th 2007, 5:08 am

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
> > Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
> > He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
> > "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sure that must have embarrassed you so let me pay for your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
> > They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he listens, he shares his and she listens.
> > After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
> > They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
> > The next morning, she cooks a gour met breakfast with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed and totally impressed. Everything had been SO incredible!
> > "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
> > "No," she replies. . . . . .
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "You just happened to catch my eye."
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dj dream

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Age : 50
Website : http://www.myspace.com/remadee2008
Registration date : 2007-05-26

PostSubject: Re: joke of the day   September 24th 2007, 8:23 pm

i just made this 1 up.any good or is it the beer???

marcel marceau walks into the doctors practice a week or two ago when he wasnt feeling too well.he says"doc,whats up with me,i dont feel so good" the doc replies:"ah yes,i see what you mean.you do look a little pale"
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